Recently I read the book "The Zero Waste Home". It's an author-signed copy which I got for free from my local Buy Nothing Group (which I contact through Facebook). I will, of course, loan it to friends and eventually give it away (free) when I'm done with it, in accordance with both the book's and the Buy Nothing Group's ethics. (And my own ethics, come to think of it.) I've read the author's blog for several years now and really appreciate the idea but find putting it all into practice a bit trickier than she makes it seem. Focusing on garbage is great! It's wonderful to reduce our need for stuff and its packaging, both for our own pocketbooks (the packaging you buy is a built-in-cost to the product--it's not free) and for the environment. But there are so many other issues, from cost to how far something is shipped to how it's produced, that focusing solely on the wasteful packaging can seem both too reductionist and missing the larger picture. Ideally, we wouldn't have to choose between the factors of cost, waste, and pollution, but we do.
For instance, is it more environmentally friendly to focus on the packaging, or the chemicals used to make the product--should I buy a non-toxic face lotion in a plastic jar, or one with questionable chemicals in a glass jar? Is it better to use toilet paper, for which millions of trees are harvested annually, or to use a bidet, which uses precious clean water in a time when much of the west coast is suffering from drought? Do I choose the local organic product in a plastic bag, worrying about the effect of pesticides on the environment and the health of farming communities, not to mention the shipping pollution from out-of region, or do I reach for the non-organic in bulk, worrying about the garbage?
I really like the Buy Nothing Group because it's cost effective, someone else has discarded the packaging, and it's getting usable goods out of the waste stream so that others can use them. Wins all around! But not everything can be gotten through that group, and it doesn't solve the front-end problem of wasteful packaging. Just because I'm not throwing it away doesn't mean someone else isn't. Too, even though it's local, some of the pickup sites are too far away to reasonably bike to*, or the objects someone could potentially collect are too big to carry home on a bike, even with a trailer (which most people, even most cyclists, don't have). So there is still some waste involved, from simply the driving.**
I have been trying, for a long time, to reduce our waste. I don't think it's realistic to think that we'll ever completely rid ourselves of it, for a variety of reasons. I actually wrote to the author of this blog/book years ago, saying that one of my biggest sources of garbage was actually from hunted moose meat in our freezer. HusbandX's family hunts moose--it's an Alaskan thing; very tasty meat--and to best keep it, it gets wrapped in plastic cling wrap, then butcher paper, then frozen. I asked the author how she would handle 2000 lbs of meat in a Zero Waste way and was surprised that she actually wrote back to me, although she said that she really didn't have any ideas for me. It was so far outside her experience that she didn't have any ideas (besides going vegetarian--no!), which made me happy I hadn't mentioned all of the vacuum-sealed salmon I also had in the freezer.
I was not about to give up free, nutritious, environmentally sound*** meat just to meet some goal of not being wasteful.
This doesn't mean that we haven't tried to reduce our waste, though. We have. In our apartment in Fairbanks, even without a compost system of any kind and no curbside recycling****, we generally only filled one bag of trash about every week-and-a-half to two weeks. Focusing on reducing our trash had a hugely beneficial impact on our finances, in many different ways.
1. We really identified our needs. We reduced the number of products we brought into the house and searched for bulk items whenever possible, many of which are cheaper than their packaged counter-parts. Does HusbandX need a bag of Jelly Bellies? No. On the rare occasions he really, really wanted them, we could buy some from the bulk bins. After a while, he even stopped wanting them unless they were right in front of him at an event.
The other benefit of this is that I was able to take only what we would need and use, thus reducing our waste on the other end. If we only need two carrots for the week, a whole bag of them might go bad and that would be wasteful in all ways.
2. We reduced our need for the products we were still buying. I started first by reducing the amount of laundry detergent we used for a load. After all, who puts the lines on the scooper but the company trying to sell it to you? Do you really need that much detergent, or is that what they're telling you to use because you'll end up needing to buy more of their product? After experimenting, I settled on using a bit less than half of the recommended detergent and have never had an issue with our clothes smelling bad. Even our cloth diapers, which reek when they go into the wash, smell pretty fresh when they come out.
I've since done this with pretty much everything I use regularly, from hand soap to toilet paper to dishwasher detergent to toothpaste. There has been no reduction in my cleanliness and I don't need to buy these products (and their associated packaging) nearly as often. Reducing my toothpaste merely reduced how much was spit out, not how well it scrubbed my teeth. Reducing my toilet paper use, being conscious about how much I was pulling off the roll rather than thoughtlessly pulling off a bunch, takes basically zero time to implement and has significantly reduced how much toilet paper we use up.
This idea even extended to other areas. I used to put sugar in my tea. Not much, maybe half a teaspoon per mug, but it seemed so necessary. Then one day I was at the store buying sugar and thinking, "We sure do go through a lot of sugar, and it's expensive. Where does it all go?" I love sweets but HusbandX doesn't so I rarely bake them. (I don't want to eat an entire batch of cookies by myself!) So why did it seem like I was buying tons of sugar? I thought about my tea, and how much I drink, and how much cumulative sugar that was over a week and had my "Ah-ha...uh-oh..." moment. I decided to cut sugar out of my tea for one week and see how I felt. By the following Saturday, my "cheat day" on this plan, any amount of sugar in my tea was just too much. I haven't put sugar in my tea since, nor have I missed it as I thought I would.
3. We got rid of most paper products. This was a huge one. I never saw a need to buy paper napkins, as my parents do, so that wasn't a concern, and we never bought disposable cutlery or plates and bowls. But it was surprisingly easy to do away with paper towels, even with pets. We simply kept a bin for rags handy. The only reason we've had paper towels in our house for the last five years or so is because our parents would come to visit and buy some, because "we were out". *Sigh* No matter how many times we pointed them to the rag bin, they never quite got that not having paper towels was a choice. Even the dirtiest messes can be cleaned up with rags because they can either be laundered or thrown away. I don't feel bad about tossing a rag that used to be a shirt or a sock because it's had two useful incarnations.
I also stopped using paper sheets to create lists. I'd been using scraps of paper, mostly from work which were in the discard/recycle bin. But I was also using notecards that I had leftover from college. A smart phone or an iPod was an easy replacement for that system, however. No need to buy and keep track of pens and pencils, either.
4. We stopped buying cleaners. Other than dish soap and laundry detergent, castile soap, vinegar, baking soda, and water became the cleaners I used. They're fantastic, and dirt cheap.
5. I stopped wearing makeup almost entirely. This was partly for the cost savings, partly out of laziness (not wanting to research brands that were both cheap and non-toxic; plus, I'm not a morning person and didn't like the time it took), and in part because HusbandX actually prefers me this way. I've quietly asked quite a few other guys about it and most say that they definitely prefer their wives and girlfriends sans makeup. So ladies, do you actually like wearing makeup, or do you feel that it's something you have to do?
I respect your choice if you like wearing makeup for yourself. I get that--it's fun to dress up and make yourself look different! One of the chapters I appreciated best in this book had ideas for Zero Waste makeup, and I'll probably implement some of them on special occasions. But again, this is an area in which you can reduce your dependence on an outside product without losing the value of it. Anyone who wears makeup has favorite items and brands. Why buy 19 shades of eye shadow if you really only use three? New products can seem fun and exciting, but they can be bad for your skin and hair, so sticking with what works well for you can often be the best route to take. Buying a new face lotion is way less exciting if it makes your skin break out, and new makeup is less fun if it gives you a rash.
6. I garden as much as possible, because it's cheap, tastes amazing, is environmentally sound, and doesn't have any packaging. And it's fun! One of the things I'm most excited about for our move to Seattle is that it's opened up so many new things for me to grow. Fruit trees! Nuts! Different varieties of vegetables and fruits! I am so, so excited for this. Can you tell?
If gardening isn't your thing, that's fine too. The farmer's market is fantastic for things which you can't or won't grow yourself, and despite their reputation for being expensive I've found them to be quite reasonable. I've even gotten some really amazing deals at the farmer's market. 40 lbs of peaches for $35? YES PLEASE.
7. We embraced small space living. This isn't a reduction in waste in terms of tangible garbage so much as it is in resources. We didn't have to heat our home as much, or light and decorate a lot of space which no one uses.
I used to be impressed with large homes until I actually saw how people lived in them and realized that there were rooms which were basically never used. Why have a formal dining room if you're only ever going to use it for Christmas dinner? In the same vein, I've decided that I don't want "formal" dishes because it would be silly to store them for the few times each year when we'd take them out. (We might end up with actual silver flatware, however--through inheritances, my parents have three sets.)
A small home can feel quite spacious if it's laid out well. More than anything else, that's what HusbandX and I will be looking for when we eventually house hunt. We lived quite well in a 20x25 foot cabin (plus half loft) with no running water for six months. By comparison, the size of even a smaller home in the Seattle area (which will have indoor plumbing!) will seem positively cavernous.
8. Finally, I came to terms with the waste I do create. I'm not perfect, no one is. There are trade-offs. I realized that the organic flour from the bulk bin which I'd been buying was actually way more expensive than pretty much any other option. When I thought about the fact that flour comes in paper bags, which are recyclable or compostable, I decided that buying it in bags wasn't a terrible choice. I did still look around for the cheapest option and found that the local feed store had organic flour in 50 lb bags for far cheaper than the smaller grocery store bags, and realized that it would be less wasteful in the end to have one large bag than 20 small ones.
The garbage I most want to reduce or, ideally, eliminate is plastic waste, for so many reasons which you've probably already heard a million times. (Bad for the environment, both in creating them and in their disposal. The chemicals can leach into the product I'm actually buying and is harmful to humans. Most of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is made of bits of plastic, which kills and maims animals. And on....) And I am still trying to reduce my dependence on glass, metal, and paper products. But using those can sometimes be the better choice, and I'm fine with that.
We have some hobbies and aspects to our life which are going to create waste. Among other things, we have a cat, and I still can't figure out what's truly the most environmentally friendly way to dispose of his waste. And I'm not in this alone. HusbandX clearly has a say in how our family operates, and I'm not going to freak out about it if he does or buys something which creates a bit of garbage. He thinks about garbage and waste more too now, but he's not going to become uber-strict about it either.
And then there's the Munchkin. We do so much that reduces the waste inherent in having created a new person. Should we also deny her a balloon once in a while, which makes her so happy, just because it will end up in a landfill?
I think the most important part of this is learning the lesson of intentional living. So many people do things just because everyone around them does the same things. I don't want to. It's not that I want to rebel against what everyone else does for the sake of rebelling (I got over that in my teenage years, thankfully) but I do want to live the life I want. I don't want to live someone else's ideal life. That's no way to be happy. If I can save money and be a bit more environmentally responsible while increasing my happiness, that's a great perk.
*If it was just me, with no toddler to worry about, I could happily spend a couple of hours biking. Much harder with the little one around, though. And naps are less of a certainty now, making planning our days a little bit trickier.
**We did drive to pick up the Zero Waste book, but we tied it into a trip in which we were headed that direction anyway, to visit with HusbandX's aunt.
***Hunted meat is, I think, probably the most ethical meat there is. No antibiotics or strange feeds, the animal lived the life it was meant to, and if everything goes properly its death was quick. Plus, I think that most people are less likely to take their meat for granted when they had a part in killing or processing it.
Feel free to disagree with me on any of these points.
****I saved most of our recycling in the garage and carted it off to the recycling center about once every two months. Even so, there really wasn't any plastic recycling to speak of, so we heavily focused on reducing our plastic products.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Friday, October 2, 2015
The worst part of unemployment
When we planned to move down to the Seattle area, HusbandX and I thought about our future job situation a lot. Would I work or would I stay home with the Munchkin? What kinds of jobs would HusbandX be applying for?
But the one thing we really didn't expect was just how long it was going to take to find even one job. Perhaps we were being naive or idealistic, but we sort of assumed that at least one of us would be employed within about three months. After all, the tech sector is booming! They need more programmers! (The first sentence in the article is actually, "As any tech company can tell you, there's a major shortage of engineers in the U.S., particularly computer programmers.") And we were told over and over, "Yep, this is the place to be if you've got a degree in computer science." (That would be HusbandX, not me.) Well, we're not seeing any evidence of these promising statements yet.
Over the summer, HusbandX applied for so. many. jobs. Well over 100, and heard back from maybe 1% of those jobs. Mostly rejections. He had precisely one interview, with a government agency, and he came back from the interview saying, "Even if they offer me a job, I don't want it." He had some good reasons for saying so, so I agreed with him. Don't worry, though, they didn't offer it to him! Apparently they felt the same way he did. ("Even if he wants the job, I don't think he'd fit in here.")
Now, however, we're entering our fifth month without employment. Our expenses are small, thanks to the fact that we're staying with family, and our savings were fairly high due to our own natural prudence and then in anticipation of our move, but we do still have expenses. And the stress levels of living here are going up. It's hard not to have your own space, especially for people as independent as we are.
We've kept ourselves plenty busy over the summer, so much so that we've occasionally joked that we don't know how we'd fit jobs into our busy lifestyle. But really, we're trying to mask the pall that unemployment has cast over us. You see, the worst part of unemployment is simply the fact that it affects everything else. We can't make long-term plans because we don't know what our situation will be like in the next month, let alone two or three months or next year.
We have so many goals that we want to accomplish, but every single one of them is on hold until we have jobs. We can't look for a home of our own because, even if we had enough savings for one (we don't, yet) who would give a mortgage to two unemployed people? We want to pay off HusbandX's student loans from his first degree, and we are paying more than the minimum payment every month even through this period of unemployment, but it would still take us roughly five years at this rate to pay it all off. I want to knock it out in a year or less if possible, so that we don't have it hanging over our heads any more. Plus, paying it off earlier would mean paying less overall since we wouldn't have to pay as much interest. I'm all for that. (And every time I think about the fact that we don't have credit card debt in addition to those student loans, I thank our parents for showing us money management when we were younger. Those student loans are the only debt we've ever had, so we pay our credit cards every month and we paid cash for our car.)
We have other goals, of course, but those are the two biggest for now.
I am a planner. It's driving me crazy that I can't plan for our current situation. Will we be unemployed for another five months, or will we (as I've been told can happen) suddenly both be employed within a couple of weeks of each other, and soon? We have vague plans, such as what to do with the money once we have some coming in (if I get a job, after our living expenses, half of my net pay will go to paying off those student loans and the other half will bulk our savings for a house) but the when is still driving me crazy. If it seems like I'm an uber-fit exercise maniac, it's really just because it helps me deal with stress and get out of the house. Even so, HusbandX and I have started to get small physical manifestations of our stress. (If you see a zit on my chin, I've been freaking out about something.)
Things are starting to look up. I don't want to jinx it, but I did have one interview yesterday that I'm incredibly excited about. HusbandX is starting to hear back from people a bit more, including some programming proficiency tests that he's taken, but just getting to this point has been nerve-wracking and tiresome because of the long wait. It's irritating to know that your whole life is on hold waiting for one opportunity, and the people who provide that opportunity really don't care about your life at all. You're just one more person who might or might not be what they need, and if you're not then it's not even worth their time to write back and say, "No thanks."
All we can do now is continue working toward employment, and we have wonderful friends who've been giving us tips and sending us job openings they hear about. It's been immeasurably helpful, as has the support from friends and former coworkers back in Fairbanks. I know how lucky we are to have so many people looking out for us, and I know that realistically, four months is not a terribly long time to be unemployed. From friends' former job searches I know that six months or more is not even that long. But it's hard to wait.
On top of the job search, we're trying to set things in place so that when we do have jobs, we're not scrambling to fit them in. From a plan about childcare to possible commuting ideas to things as simple as making sure we have plans for easy lunches every day that we can grab on the way out the door, we're trying to ensure that when we do have jobs we can get to work on our family's goals immediately.
For now however, we just have to keep waiting. And waiting.
Monday, September 28, 2015
The hobby agreement
After we moved in with my parents, it quickly became apparent to both HusbandX and me that we really needed something to do with each other, to talk about. With no jobs, and in a house with so many other people with a variety of competing needs, we were spending less and less time together. And when we did spend time together, it always felt like it ended in an argument.
We both knew we needed something to foster communication, togetherness, and common interests, but didn't really know what. We have separate hobbies--I read (so much) and he plays video games. In our own home, we'd spend that time in the same room, doing our own thing but free to talk to each other if something caught our interest. This is how I ended up reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened (by Jenny Lawson) aloud, because I was so tired of going back to read the part that made me laugh out loud that it was just easier to read the whole book to him. This was, hands down, one of the most fun things HusbandX and I have ever done together.
Here, though, we don't have the luxury to do things like this as much. Someone's always around, or interrupting, or we're just so darn sick of being around people that we don't want to speak to anyone. (Even extroverts need alone time!) We get some time from our Thursday night bike rides that is completely ours, but an hour or so a week is just not enough time for a couple to devote to each other.
So we came up with a simple bargain: we would each take on the other's hobbies. At least once every six months, I would play a video game and he would read two books. Naturally, they had to be games he'd played and books I'd read, so that we could discuss them. We came up with lists of what we thought the other person would really enjoy, and a few special agreements within the grand bargain. For instance, the Hunger Games series is a very quick read, so he would read all three in exchange for me playing Portal.
Over our bike camping weekend, HusbandX brought Ender's Game to read, and we discussed the book as he went along. He enjoyed it, as I'd known he would, and we both enjoyed the discussions we had.
Unfortunately, fulfilling my end of the bargain hasn't been so easy. I picked BioShock Infinite as my first game, but it turns out that my computer isn't good enough to handle the graphics. The second game we tried ended the same way. Now, I'm onto my third pick of game (Mass Effect), and my least favorite style of game: a console. I hate the controls because I always end up in a corner staring at the sky and shouting at the screen, "I don't know what's going on!" as I furiously button-mash. Yeah, there are reasons I don't usually play video games.
I will persist, however, because this is important to me. I hate the console, but it's right next to HusbandX's computer so I get to spend that time with him. Usually he's laughing at me, but that's ok too.**
This, of course, isn't the only thing we've done to get back on track with each other. Aside from the bike camping, we've also spent all that time picking and processing the food people have given us this year. Spending a few hours with your spouse while chopping and pressing apples might not be high up on anyone's list of most romantic moments, but it turns out that it's a great way to connect. My brother found where we can stream "Whose Line Is It Anyway", and we watch those as we work to preserve food for the winter. Laughing with your spouse can be one of the best balms for any marriage. Now, all we need to do is say, "Butterstick!" and at least one of us laughs.
We've worked on getting out for more bike rides, just the two of us. When we run errands the Munchkin is there, which is awesome (she sings while we ride) but isn't quite the same as being alone with your partner. There are topics we discuss on our bike rides with just each other that we never seem to broach when even the toddler is around: fears, stresses, highlights of the day or week, discussing ideas for our future or what we'd like to have happen in the next year.
So we're beginning the autumn in a far better state than we were over the summer. Perhaps the heat had something to do with our tempers, and I know the stress of unemployment has taken its toll, but whatever the cause I'm glad we're out of marital discord. Even better, Jenny Lawson has another book that just came out. Thanks to the Munchkin, I think my read-aloud skills are brushed up enough for the coming challenge.
**UPDATE: HusbandX managed to get this on the computer instead, so now I'm button-mashing on the computer hooked up to the TV in the office. Still next to HusbandX so we get to spend the time together and he gets to laugh at me when I accidentally discharge my weapon and then squeak. Which I apparently do a lot. Even so, the computer works so much better for me than the console.
We both knew we needed something to foster communication, togetherness, and common interests, but didn't really know what. We have separate hobbies--I read (so much) and he plays video games. In our own home, we'd spend that time in the same room, doing our own thing but free to talk to each other if something caught our interest. This is how I ended up reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened (by Jenny Lawson) aloud, because I was so tired of going back to read the part that made me laugh out loud that it was just easier to read the whole book to him. This was, hands down, one of the most fun things HusbandX and I have ever done together.
Here, though, we don't have the luxury to do things like this as much. Someone's always around, or interrupting, or we're just so darn sick of being around people that we don't want to speak to anyone. (Even extroverts need alone time!) We get some time from our Thursday night bike rides that is completely ours, but an hour or so a week is just not enough time for a couple to devote to each other.
So we came up with a simple bargain: we would each take on the other's hobbies. At least once every six months, I would play a video game and he would read two books. Naturally, they had to be games he'd played and books I'd read, so that we could discuss them. We came up with lists of what we thought the other person would really enjoy, and a few special agreements within the grand bargain. For instance, the Hunger Games series is a very quick read, so he would read all three in exchange for me playing Portal.
Over our bike camping weekend, HusbandX brought Ender's Game to read, and we discussed the book as he went along. He enjoyed it, as I'd known he would, and we both enjoyed the discussions we had.
Unfortunately, fulfilling my end of the bargain hasn't been so easy. I picked BioShock Infinite as my first game, but it turns out that my computer isn't good enough to handle the graphics. The second game we tried ended the same way. Now, I'm onto my third pick of game (Mass Effect), and my least favorite style of game: a console. I hate the controls because I always end up in a corner staring at the sky and shouting at the screen, "I don't know what's going on!" as I furiously button-mash. Yeah, there are reasons I don't usually play video games.
I will persist, however, because this is important to me. I hate the console, but it's right next to HusbandX's computer so I get to spend that time with him. Usually he's laughing at me, but that's ok too.**
This, of course, isn't the only thing we've done to get back on track with each other. Aside from the bike camping, we've also spent all that time picking and processing the food people have given us this year. Spending a few hours with your spouse while chopping and pressing apples might not be high up on anyone's list of most romantic moments, but it turns out that it's a great way to connect. My brother found where we can stream "Whose Line Is It Anyway", and we watch those as we work to preserve food for the winter. Laughing with your spouse can be one of the best balms for any marriage. Now, all we need to do is say, "Butterstick!" and at least one of us laughs.
We've worked on getting out for more bike rides, just the two of us. When we run errands the Munchkin is there, which is awesome (she sings while we ride) but isn't quite the same as being alone with your partner. There are topics we discuss on our bike rides with just each other that we never seem to broach when even the toddler is around: fears, stresses, highlights of the day or week, discussing ideas for our future or what we'd like to have happen in the next year.
So we're beginning the autumn in a far better state than we were over the summer. Perhaps the heat had something to do with our tempers, and I know the stress of unemployment has taken its toll, but whatever the cause I'm glad we're out of marital discord. Even better, Jenny Lawson has another book that just came out. Thanks to the Munchkin, I think my read-aloud skills are brushed up enough for the coming challenge.
**UPDATE: HusbandX managed to get this on the computer instead, so now I'm button-mashing on the computer hooked up to the TV in the office. Still next to HusbandX so we get to spend the time together and he gets to laugh at me when I accidentally discharge my weapon and then squeak. Which I apparently do a lot. Even so, the computer works so much better for me than the console.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Biking while female
Last week, while biking an errand with the Munchkin, I realized that I'd committed a cardinal sin: that of not changing into more appropriate bike attire before leaving the house. That is to say, my boobs were totally hanging out because the cut of my top, perfectly modest and acceptable while I'm upright, hangs down and flashes the world while I'm biking. And I have, as my husband would put it, "huge tracts of land".
When I realized what was going on, honestly, my first thought was, "Meh." So what? It's not like I could change it. And even if I could, they're just boobs. I mean, they're my boobs and as huge a fan as I am of the Free The Nipple movement, I'm not actually going to start parading my bare breasts around. (I did that enough, by accident, when I was nursing the Munchkin.) But they were encased in a bra which nicely covered up most of the good stuff, so I don't really care if anyone saw what was left.
However, I do care that there are men out there who will take the presence of my boobs the wrong way. Men who will feel free to honk and holler and generally feel it's their Solemn Duty to remind me that I am a woman in the public sphere. I was saved from that on this particular occasion by virtue of having the Munchkin with me (I assume--even with the term MILF floating around, hitting on A Mom that way just isn't done; have some respect, dude! she's got a kid!), but when she's not with me, I am fair game. For being female. Worse, a female on a bike. So dangerous! So sweaty and dirty and unladylike!
On a recent Thursday night ride my friend Em was wearing a dress that was low-cut but fitted to her chest like a bra or swimsuit, so she wasn't showing any more than I had been from my normal t-shirt. But because they were out there, some guy yelled to her, "Nice boobs!" She didn't have time to yell it then but she later said that her favorite comeback for that is, "Disappointing dick!" That has gotten men to call her a bitch, because apparently it's ok for them to degrade her, but if she turns it around and gives them the same treatment, that's just bitchy behavior. Legit.
How sad is it that this has happened to her so many times that she's got a go-to comeback? The guys who do this can't even be bothered to be creative with their derogatory behavior.
This is an issue which, like so many others, men don't have to think about. I don't think it's wrong that they don't have to, but I do think it's wrong that it's something which women are forced to confront. I polled the ladies of my Thursday night group, asking if they change their shirt before riding, in consideration of their boobs. One said that she'd turned a tank top around when she was younger, so that the higher side was in front, and another said that she sometimes considers how the guy she's seeing (who's part of the group) will view her attire (as in, will he think it's sexy? rather than, will he think it's too immodest?), but everyone else said they'd just stopped caring. The consensus was that there's no winning. The pervs will manage to make you feel like you're under-dressed even if you're wearing a turtleneck.
Talk to just about any cyclist and you can get a list of abuse they've been subjected to from drivers: stuff thrown at them, people cussing at them, driving dangerously near/around them, and the always popular, "Get off the road!" yelled at them. Talk to any female cyclist about what was the most memorable abuse that they received while on a bike and most of them will start listing the creepy things that guys have done: slowing down to stare at your butt (and shouting to let you know what they're doing), creative (and not-so-creative) catcalling, men conspicuously staring at your boobs, and otherwise letting you know that you're a female who is on a bike, but really shouldn't be. Because females, yo.
Unfortunately, it's not just random street men who do this. It's the biking industry itself, as well as the culture of men who have decided that women are Inferior Beings and shouldn't ride bikes. That's messed up, and I cannot say it enough. I realize that women are underrepresented in biking, as they are in video games and so many other venues. But all of these venues have in common the fact that they make women uncomfortable and do everything they can to marginalize and de-value women. Again, that's really messed up. Worse, in my experience, men who do their utmost to push women aside are also those most likely to complain about being "friend-zoned", or that women just don't appreciate them. These are the men who will complain that "there's not enough ass" in the biking world, but any woman who doesn't want to be just a piece of ass is a bitch and should GTFO.
Infuriating does not begin to describe how this feels.
Ironically, studies done on this topic show that it's men of lower social status, and therefore less likely to "get the girl", who are the most likely to display anger toward women. So in their efforts to make themselves seem more manly and of higher status (i.e., putting women down) they actually make themselves less desirable to women. I would laugh if it wasn't so facepalm-y.
I really wish that I could make those men understand that women don't do a damn thing for their viewing pleasure. Biking, running, walking the dog, and all the other outdoor activities which set us up as prime targets for catcalling: not one of these is done so that a man might notice us. We're just trying to live our lives. Why is that so hard to understand? Men are accorded that freedom, when will women get to just be people?
In my bike group, we have some awesome and wonderfully self-aware men. But even in a group like ours, where women usually feel safe, there have been incidents. Women have had their pictures taken while swimming (in underwear or skinny-dipping) over the summer, without their permission. At least one woman was groped at one of the giant events--that man was quietly asked not to return. Even just last night, on a normal (not themed) ride, with about 80 (?) people, while stopped at a light, a woman rolled down her window to ask, "Hey, what's going on?" As some of us were trying to explain that we were just out riding for fun, because it's Thursday, one of the guys kept telling her that she was hot and should join us. "Can I have your number? And then I can call you about next week? Because you're hot." She ignored him, as women usually do with such asinine behavior, so I finally decided to speak up. After all, having other women not speak up when we see or hear such things is part of the problem.
Probably, my heavy use of sarcasm wasn't the greatest approach. "Well done, dude, I'm sure that made her feel so welcome. It's not like it was creepy at all." And on. It was rather gratifying to have two other women pipe up. "Seconded." "Yep, that was creepy." He asked to speak with us at the next big stop and did so. It was hard because he was defensive over his actions, explaining that she was hot (I'm not sure why that makes his actions better?) and he was trying to do it in a funny, not creepy, way. Funny. That's what it was to him. How do you explain to someone with that mindset that their actions aren't funny to the person on the receiving end? In the very brief time I had with him I pointed out that he knows nothing about her--she could have been going home to her husband or boyfriend, or to her kids. And even beyond that, no woman sits in her car thinking, "God, I wish some guy would hit on me at the next light!" I didn't get to ask, did he really expect her to say, "Oh my gosh, you want my number? Sure! Here!" Has that approach ever worked, in the history of ever, for a man? It's like honking at women walking by. What do men expect, that the woman will chase down their car to give that guy their number? Women don't feel flattered by that attention, it's unnerving. Funny is not a descriptor that comes up at all for women discussing these types of events.
So I've been ruminating on all of these issues and then thought about how I want to raise my daughter to be a cyclist, despite the hardships and the stigma. Despite the message that she will get, many times from many different people, that she is a lesser being because she's a female. There will be a day when, in all seriousness, she tells me that there's something she can't do because she's a girl. I know she will, because that was a message I internalized when I was younger too.
I talked with HusbandX about potentially banning the phrase "just a girl" in our house (except in the excellent case of the No Doubt song) because she's going to hear it so many other places that I don't want her to have to hear it at home, even in jest. Because hearing it as a joke is tiring as well. There are very few other things I absolutely will not allow her to say, but putting herself down and limiting herself based on her gender will not fly. There are things that she won't be able to do, or won't do as well, because of her biology, but she'll never find out what her actual limits are if she's told to not even bother trying because she's female.
It makes me proud when people remark on how capable she is, how strong. When she was first born I told her all the time how cute she is. I kept thinking, gah! I'm turning into one of those people who does nothing but compliment little girls on their looks! But as she grew older, as she actually developed strength and started doing noteworthy things, my remarks about her looks have faded to being rare, and so have HusbandX's. Now we tell her that we're proud of how strong she is, of how hard she works, and we encourage her to try things, to do better. Even at her age, though, not everyone does. We get surprised comments at the park about how strong she is, how brave, with the implied (if not explicit) addendum "for a girl". It sucks that I need to shield her from that attitude even now, when she's not even 2.
People tell me how boys are different from girls because "they're just so much wilder" and I think, "You haven't met my girl, then." Are boys really so much different, or are they just given more license to run and play? Because "boys will be boys".
The Munchkin is small, and since neither of her parents is tall, she likely will be small for the rest of her life. She will get extra crap for it, and be considered an easier target for those who seek to make her feel like less than a human being. Ask me how I know. She's going to need to know that she's capable and strong, no matter what other people try to tell her. I hope we can build a foundation of inner strength so that she feels free to be feminine, but knows that she's so much more than "just a girl".
When I realized what was going on, honestly, my first thought was, "Meh." So what? It's not like I could change it. And even if I could, they're just boobs. I mean, they're my boobs and as huge a fan as I am of the Free The Nipple movement, I'm not actually going to start parading my bare breasts around. (I did that enough, by accident, when I was nursing the Munchkin.) But they were encased in a bra which nicely covered up most of the good stuff, so I don't really care if anyone saw what was left.
However, I do care that there are men out there who will take the presence of my boobs the wrong way. Men who will feel free to honk and holler and generally feel it's their Solemn Duty to remind me that I am a woman in the public sphere. I was saved from that on this particular occasion by virtue of having the Munchkin with me (I assume--even with the term MILF floating around, hitting on A Mom that way just isn't done; have some respect, dude! she's got a kid!), but when she's not with me, I am fair game. For being female. Worse, a female on a bike. So dangerous! So sweaty and dirty and unladylike!
On a recent Thursday night ride my friend Em was wearing a dress that was low-cut but fitted to her chest like a bra or swimsuit, so she wasn't showing any more than I had been from my normal t-shirt. But because they were out there, some guy yelled to her, "Nice boobs!" She didn't have time to yell it then but she later said that her favorite comeback for that is, "Disappointing dick!" That has gotten men to call her a bitch, because apparently it's ok for them to degrade her, but if she turns it around and gives them the same treatment, that's just bitchy behavior. Legit.
How sad is it that this has happened to her so many times that she's got a go-to comeback? The guys who do this can't even be bothered to be creative with their derogatory behavior.
This is an issue which, like so many others, men don't have to think about. I don't think it's wrong that they don't have to, but I do think it's wrong that it's something which women are forced to confront. I polled the ladies of my Thursday night group, asking if they change their shirt before riding, in consideration of their boobs. One said that she'd turned a tank top around when she was younger, so that the higher side was in front, and another said that she sometimes considers how the guy she's seeing (who's part of the group) will view her attire (as in, will he think it's sexy? rather than, will he think it's too immodest?), but everyone else said they'd just stopped caring. The consensus was that there's no winning. The pervs will manage to make you feel like you're under-dressed even if you're wearing a turtleneck.
Talk to just about any cyclist and you can get a list of abuse they've been subjected to from drivers: stuff thrown at them, people cussing at them, driving dangerously near/around them, and the always popular, "Get off the road!" yelled at them. Talk to any female cyclist about what was the most memorable abuse that they received while on a bike and most of them will start listing the creepy things that guys have done: slowing down to stare at your butt (and shouting to let you know what they're doing), creative (and not-so-creative) catcalling, men conspicuously staring at your boobs, and otherwise letting you know that you're a female who is on a bike, but really shouldn't be. Because females, yo.
Unfortunately, it's not just random street men who do this. It's the biking industry itself, as well as the culture of men who have decided that women are Inferior Beings and shouldn't ride bikes. That's messed up, and I cannot say it enough. I realize that women are underrepresented in biking, as they are in video games and so many other venues. But all of these venues have in common the fact that they make women uncomfortable and do everything they can to marginalize and de-value women. Again, that's really messed up. Worse, in my experience, men who do their utmost to push women aside are also those most likely to complain about being "friend-zoned", or that women just don't appreciate them. These are the men who will complain that "there's not enough ass" in the biking world, but any woman who doesn't want to be just a piece of ass is a bitch and should GTFO.
Infuriating does not begin to describe how this feels.
Ironically, studies done on this topic show that it's men of lower social status, and therefore less likely to "get the girl", who are the most likely to display anger toward women. So in their efforts to make themselves seem more manly and of higher status (i.e., putting women down) they actually make themselves less desirable to women. I would laugh if it wasn't so facepalm-y.
I really wish that I could make those men understand that women don't do a damn thing for their viewing pleasure. Biking, running, walking the dog, and all the other outdoor activities which set us up as prime targets for catcalling: not one of these is done so that a man might notice us. We're just trying to live our lives. Why is that so hard to understand? Men are accorded that freedom, when will women get to just be people?
In my bike group, we have some awesome and wonderfully self-aware men. But even in a group like ours, where women usually feel safe, there have been incidents. Women have had their pictures taken while swimming (in underwear or skinny-dipping) over the summer, without their permission. At least one woman was groped at one of the giant events--that man was quietly asked not to return. Even just last night, on a normal (not themed) ride, with about 80 (?) people, while stopped at a light, a woman rolled down her window to ask, "Hey, what's going on?" As some of us were trying to explain that we were just out riding for fun, because it's Thursday, one of the guys kept telling her that she was hot and should join us. "Can I have your number? And then I can call you about next week? Because you're hot." She ignored him, as women usually do with such asinine behavior, so I finally decided to speak up. After all, having other women not speak up when we see or hear such things is part of the problem.
Probably, my heavy use of sarcasm wasn't the greatest approach. "Well done, dude, I'm sure that made her feel so welcome. It's not like it was creepy at all." And on. It was rather gratifying to have two other women pipe up. "Seconded." "Yep, that was creepy." He asked to speak with us at the next big stop and did so. It was hard because he was defensive over his actions, explaining that she was hot (I'm not sure why that makes his actions better?) and he was trying to do it in a funny, not creepy, way. Funny. That's what it was to him. How do you explain to someone with that mindset that their actions aren't funny to the person on the receiving end? In the very brief time I had with him I pointed out that he knows nothing about her--she could have been going home to her husband or boyfriend, or to her kids. And even beyond that, no woman sits in her car thinking, "God, I wish some guy would hit on me at the next light!" I didn't get to ask, did he really expect her to say, "Oh my gosh, you want my number? Sure! Here!" Has that approach ever worked, in the history of ever, for a man? It's like honking at women walking by. What do men expect, that the woman will chase down their car to give that guy their number? Women don't feel flattered by that attention, it's unnerving. Funny is not a descriptor that comes up at all for women discussing these types of events.
The Munchkin's bike.
So I've been ruminating on all of these issues and then thought about how I want to raise my daughter to be a cyclist, despite the hardships and the stigma. Despite the message that she will get, many times from many different people, that she is a lesser being because she's a female. There will be a day when, in all seriousness, she tells me that there's something she can't do because she's a girl. I know she will, because that was a message I internalized when I was younger too.
I talked with HusbandX about potentially banning the phrase "just a girl" in our house (except in the excellent case of the No Doubt song) because she's going to hear it so many other places that I don't want her to have to hear it at home, even in jest. Because hearing it as a joke is tiring as well. There are very few other things I absolutely will not allow her to say, but putting herself down and limiting herself based on her gender will not fly. There are things that she won't be able to do, or won't do as well, because of her biology, but she'll never find out what her actual limits are if she's told to not even bother trying because she's female.
It makes me proud when people remark on how capable she is, how strong. When she was first born I told her all the time how cute she is. I kept thinking, gah! I'm turning into one of those people who does nothing but compliment little girls on their looks! But as she grew older, as she actually developed strength and started doing noteworthy things, my remarks about her looks have faded to being rare, and so have HusbandX's. Now we tell her that we're proud of how strong she is, of how hard she works, and we encourage her to try things, to do better. Even at her age, though, not everyone does. We get surprised comments at the park about how strong she is, how brave, with the implied (if not explicit) addendum "for a girl". It sucks that I need to shield her from that attitude even now, when she's not even 2.
People tell me how boys are different from girls because "they're just so much wilder" and I think, "You haven't met my girl, then." Are boys really so much different, or are they just given more license to run and play? Because "boys will be boys".
The Munchkin is small, and since neither of her parents is tall, she likely will be small for the rest of her life. She will get extra crap for it, and be considered an easier target for those who seek to make her feel like less than a human being. Ask me how I know. She's going to need to know that she's capable and strong, no matter what other people try to tell her. I hope we can build a foundation of inner strength so that she feels free to be feminine, but knows that she's so much more than "just a girl".
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Autumn
Autumn is, and always has been, my favorite time of year. It's glorious. Around the beginning of August, I started feeling hardcore homesick for Fairbanks and all of the lovely colors I knew would start arriving there soon, not to mention the cooler weather. I've been roasting here all summer! But now, finally, it's Seattle's turn. Surprisingly, this rainy town hasn't quite lived up to its reputation. Sure, there's been rain. Even epic rain, the kind that makes you say, "Hmm, I don't think I actually want to bike out in this weather." (That was Thursday night, before our ride. The rain stopped while we sat in the car and chatted on the phone with HusbandX's brother, and didn't come back, in lighter form, until we were nearly back at the car.) It rained quite heavily last night, but the Munchkin woke me up to an absolutely lovely morning, with evidence of the rain still everywhere but no clouds in sight. We enjoyed the morning by putting her on her balance bike (she's almost big enough for it now!) and after, heading to the park, where we both splashed in puddles.
The cooler temperatures have, of course, been incredibly welcome for we poor cool-weather cravers. In addition, grilling over the summer is nice, but many of my favorite foods (squashes, apples, root vegetables!) all come into season at this time of year, when it's cool enough to want to cook and eat them. I'm still enjoying a few last nectarines from the farmer's market, but the transition to All Things Apple is one I'm enjoying. A glass of sweet cider from the apples we pressed, apples with cheese as my lunch, or mulled apple cider (again, from our own cider!) for dessert...bliss.
What does any of this have to do with frugality, the purported purpose of this blog? Many things.
1) Autumn means a lack of heating and/or air conditioning. Yep, turn those bad boys off to save some serious dough. Daytime temperatures are still heating up the house, but opening a window to take advantage of the breeze actually works, which it didn't when the temps were over 90.
Whenever I've had to pay for climate control, my roommate (or spouse) and I have made a game to see how long into autumn we could go without turning on the heat. When HusbandX and I lived in our dry cabin, heating fuel was massively expensive. I remember it being $1200 for 500 gallons (I think), which is not much fuel in Fairbanks but is a lot of cash for a student who's working two summer jobs to save up enough for living costs over the winter. So we decided to see if we could push off needing any heat until it snowed, which happened in late September that year. When it did snow I said, "Aw, come on, I bet we could make it even longer!" HusbandX, the killjoy, vetoed that plan.
Even after we turned on the heat, we made it a game to see how low we could comfortably keep it. It wasn't uncommon to catch me reading while bundled up, including a hat and gloves.* Autumn, however, is that lovely time of year where those extreme measures aren't needed. So enjoy it!
2) Now is the time to stock up on whatever fruits and vegetables you can. As I said above, many of them are in season, so not only are they at their tastiest, they're also at their cheapest. Or free. My annual summer stocking-up of fruit is winding down (in addition to all of the preserves, nearly half of our chest freezer is filled with blueberries, cherries, peaches, and blackberries) but vegetables and apples are still going strong. Thankfully, many of them won't need much in the way of preservation. Winter squashes should stay good for quite some time if left in a cool, dry place, as will onions, carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and apples.
Since we haven't eaten many of these autumn foods over the summer, they're also unique to our palates right now and provide the diversity we crave. Instead of feeling like we're always eating the same old things, and changing it up by going out to different places, we change our eating habits and ingredients based on the season. This ensures that we're never bored with our own cooking so going out is a special treat and one reserved strictly for seeing people we haven't been around for a long time, such as out-of-town relatives.
3) It's the season of baking. All that stuff you didn't want to make over the summer lest you heat up your abode? Now's the time to start DIYing again. Bread, cookies if you're so inclined, muffins, and anything else your heart desires. Buying these things is, generally, so much more expensive than doing it yourself, and they don't take a huge amount of time. Plus, it's fun to bake stuff. Kids, especially, enjoy helping. Ask me how I know, just please don't ask why there's flour all over the counter still.
This season is also when we haul out the slow cooker to make our meals for us, saving time (a necessity, always), money (by not ordering out or making more expensive stuff--slow cooking can make even cheap cuts of meat tender and delicious), and energy (they use very little of it). The anticipation of dinner hovers in the air all day as it cooks, and when we finally sit down to the meal it's with the desire to savor it and enjoy it to the fullest, as we've enjoyed its scent all day.
4) Autumn is the cheapest season for exercise. After all, who wants to be stuck inside on a treadmill or stair master when it's not blazing hot or cold enough to require gloves and a hat outside? It's sunny and warm, but not too warm, so get out and enjoy it! Go for walks and bike rides with friends or alone, take your kid to the park without fearing burns from the playground equipment, go hiking and camping and backpacking. I know, the allure of all your favorite TV shows coming back is tempting, but you can watch them on DVD later when it's too hot or cold to move. For now, do yourself a favor and get outside for some fresh air.
In Fairbanks, I always knew that this time of year was my last chance at sun. In many ways, it's the same down here. Instead of the sun always being down, though, it'll be hidden behind clouds for much of the winter. Either way, you don't realize how much you miss the sun until it's suddenly never there. When the Munchkin was born, in late November, I did my best to sleep when she slept, which meant that a few times I slept through the sunlight. I ended up crying when I realized what had happened, and it was hard to keep myself from becoming depressed. After the first couple of times, I decided that I wouldn't nap, no matter how tired I was, unless the sun was down, because it was too important to me to get that tiny bit of daylight. This is a lesson I want to carry forward here, since sunlight will be no less important to my peace of mind than it was in Alaska. Getting outside to walk the dog is far cheaper, and healthier, than investing in a Happy Light.
5) It's also the best season to curl up with a good (library) book and a mug of tea (or coffee, or cider, or....) I know, I just told you to get outside! But no one's going to do that all day every day, so when I do have down time, I usually spend it with a good book and a mug of tea. Library books are worlds cheaper than paying for cable, and they don't cost any electricity like running a TV does.
A book, a sunny living room, and cat or dog cuddles is, to me, the perfect way to spend the Munchkin's nap time.
6) Enjoy slowing down. Every season has its own pace, and summer's has always been rather frenetic and manic to me. There are always things going on, people to see, stuff to do that you can't do later on. I enjoy the whirlwind, but by the time autumn comes around I'm thankful for the small respites that come my way. Even when we hang out with friends now it's not so much about doing things as it is about seeing each other and catching up. We had two game nights with various friends this past weekend and not only did people show up who wouldn't have had the time over the summer (due to the other million things going on), but even the way people interacted was a bit slower, a bit calmer. We took more time to really catch up.
I hope you're enjoying the season as much as I am!
*It might sound miserable, but I think back on our time living in that cabin fondly, and I know that part of it is because of, not despite, the hardships we endured.
My attempt, last autumn, to take a cute Pinterest-like picture
of the Munchkin with a pumpkin. FAIL.
The cooler temperatures have, of course, been incredibly welcome for we poor cool-weather cravers. In addition, grilling over the summer is nice, but many of my favorite foods (squashes, apples, root vegetables!) all come into season at this time of year, when it's cool enough to want to cook and eat them. I'm still enjoying a few last nectarines from the farmer's market, but the transition to All Things Apple is one I'm enjoying. A glass of sweet cider from the apples we pressed, apples with cheese as my lunch, or mulled apple cider (again, from our own cider!) for dessert...bliss.
What does any of this have to do with frugality, the purported purpose of this blog? Many things.
1) Autumn means a lack of heating and/or air conditioning. Yep, turn those bad boys off to save some serious dough. Daytime temperatures are still heating up the house, but opening a window to take advantage of the breeze actually works, which it didn't when the temps were over 90.
Whenever I've had to pay for climate control, my roommate (or spouse) and I have made a game to see how long into autumn we could go without turning on the heat. When HusbandX and I lived in our dry cabin, heating fuel was massively expensive. I remember it being $1200 for 500 gallons (I think), which is not much fuel in Fairbanks but is a lot of cash for a student who's working two summer jobs to save up enough for living costs over the winter. So we decided to see if we could push off needing any heat until it snowed, which happened in late September that year. When it did snow I said, "Aw, come on, I bet we could make it even longer!" HusbandX, the killjoy, vetoed that plan.
Even after we turned on the heat, we made it a game to see how low we could comfortably keep it. It wasn't uncommon to catch me reading while bundled up, including a hat and gloves.* Autumn, however, is that lovely time of year where those extreme measures aren't needed. So enjoy it!
2) Now is the time to stock up on whatever fruits and vegetables you can. As I said above, many of them are in season, so not only are they at their tastiest, they're also at their cheapest. Or free. My annual summer stocking-up of fruit is winding down (in addition to all of the preserves, nearly half of our chest freezer is filled with blueberries, cherries, peaches, and blackberries) but vegetables and apples are still going strong. Thankfully, many of them won't need much in the way of preservation. Winter squashes should stay good for quite some time if left in a cool, dry place, as will onions, carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and apples.
Since we haven't eaten many of these autumn foods over the summer, they're also unique to our palates right now and provide the diversity we crave. Instead of feeling like we're always eating the same old things, and changing it up by going out to different places, we change our eating habits and ingredients based on the season. This ensures that we're never bored with our own cooking so going out is a special treat and one reserved strictly for seeing people we haven't been around for a long time, such as out-of-town relatives.
3) It's the season of baking. All that stuff you didn't want to make over the summer lest you heat up your abode? Now's the time to start DIYing again. Bread, cookies if you're so inclined, muffins, and anything else your heart desires. Buying these things is, generally, so much more expensive than doing it yourself, and they don't take a huge amount of time. Plus, it's fun to bake stuff. Kids, especially, enjoy helping. Ask me how I know, just please don't ask why there's flour all over the counter still.
This season is also when we haul out the slow cooker to make our meals for us, saving time (a necessity, always), money (by not ordering out or making more expensive stuff--slow cooking can make even cheap cuts of meat tender and delicious), and energy (they use very little of it). The anticipation of dinner hovers in the air all day as it cooks, and when we finally sit down to the meal it's with the desire to savor it and enjoy it to the fullest, as we've enjoyed its scent all day.
4) Autumn is the cheapest season for exercise. After all, who wants to be stuck inside on a treadmill or stair master when it's not blazing hot or cold enough to require gloves and a hat outside? It's sunny and warm, but not too warm, so get out and enjoy it! Go for walks and bike rides with friends or alone, take your kid to the park without fearing burns from the playground equipment, go hiking and camping and backpacking. I know, the allure of all your favorite TV shows coming back is tempting, but you can watch them on DVD later when it's too hot or cold to move. For now, do yourself a favor and get outside for some fresh air.
In Fairbanks, I always knew that this time of year was my last chance at sun. In many ways, it's the same down here. Instead of the sun always being down, though, it'll be hidden behind clouds for much of the winter. Either way, you don't realize how much you miss the sun until it's suddenly never there. When the Munchkin was born, in late November, I did my best to sleep when she slept, which meant that a few times I slept through the sunlight. I ended up crying when I realized what had happened, and it was hard to keep myself from becoming depressed. After the first couple of times, I decided that I wouldn't nap, no matter how tired I was, unless the sun was down, because it was too important to me to get that tiny bit of daylight. This is a lesson I want to carry forward here, since sunlight will be no less important to my peace of mind than it was in Alaska. Getting outside to walk the dog is far cheaper, and healthier, than investing in a Happy Light.
5) It's also the best season to curl up with a good (library) book and a mug of tea (or coffee, or cider, or....) I know, I just told you to get outside! But no one's going to do that all day every day, so when I do have down time, I usually spend it with a good book and a mug of tea. Library books are worlds cheaper than paying for cable, and they don't cost any electricity like running a TV does.
A book, a sunny living room, and cat or dog cuddles is, to me, the perfect way to spend the Munchkin's nap time.
6) Enjoy slowing down. Every season has its own pace, and summer's has always been rather frenetic and manic to me. There are always things going on, people to see, stuff to do that you can't do later on. I enjoy the whirlwind, but by the time autumn comes around I'm thankful for the small respites that come my way. Even when we hang out with friends now it's not so much about doing things as it is about seeing each other and catching up. We had two game nights with various friends this past weekend and not only did people show up who wouldn't have had the time over the summer (due to the other million things going on), but even the way people interacted was a bit slower, a bit calmer. We took more time to really catch up.
I hope you're enjoying the season as much as I am!
*It might sound miserable, but I think back on our time living in that cabin fondly, and I know that part of it is because of, not despite, the hardships we endured.
Monday, September 21, 2015
What did we do with all of those apples?
I mentioned before that some friends of ours gave us roughly 100 lbs of apples, and we turned many of them into hard cider. Well, a day or two after I posted that, we had more people offer us free apples, for the price of picking them, because once again they weren't going to get around to using their apples and just didn't want to see them go to waste.
Enter another 50 lbs or so of apples, when we still hadn't quite finished processing the rest of the first batch. By that point, we were feeling a little bit overwhelmed by apples.
The best ones got picked out for eating fresh and we noshed on apples for days as we contemplated all the hard work involved in preserving them through various means.
This time was not wasted. I'd also gotten to pick as many tomatoes as I could from a friend's garden, and those would go bad first. So I spent several days over pots of tomatoes and the canner, ending up with 19 pints of diced tomatoes and 13 pints of tomato sauce.
I chose diced tomatoes and tomato sauce because those are the two types of canned tomatoes used most in our house. We do use tomato paste, but unless you've got the right variety, a fair amount of time on your hands, and an overabundance of tomatoes, I don't find homemade tomato paste to be worth the effort. I did, however, cook down the tomato sauce enough that we shouldn't need to add much, if any, store-bought tomato paste when we use it.
Finally, we had to tackle the apples. We started with my mom teaching me how to make applesauce. I've made it a few times before but it always came out burnt and just...not so good. I ate it, but mostly because I didn't want to waste the food, so it usually got baked into something (like muffins) to mask the burnt taste.
My mother, on the other hand, is a master applesauce maker and I wanted to learn her secrets. Turns out, it's really not that hard. Chop the apples (and peel them, if desired, but save the peels for another use!) and put them in a big pot with just enough water to keep them from burning. Adding the water, a little bit at a time as needed, as the apples cooked down, was the true secret, I found out. Before I'd just added some water at the beginning and thought the juice from the apples would be enough after that. Nope. We added water, 1/4 cup at a time, until the apples were all cooked down and the applesauce was the proper texture, thick and with small bits of apple chunk still in it. If you want it more like purchased applesauce, put it through a food mill or into a food processor or blender, and add more water.
Other than that, we're applesauce purists. No added sugar, and just a bit of cinnamon. We came away with 8 quarts of applesauce, some of which was put in the fridge for eating and six quarts successfully canned. Three of those will be going to our friends with the new baby.
I said in my previous post about the apples that I made scrap apple jelly, and scrap apple vinegar. Some of the jelly was indeed used for waffles (yum!) one morning, and the vinegar is fermenting away. It will take a couple more weeks before it's truly ready, though I've taken out the apple bits and am letting the "mother" grow. It's quite fun to experiment with fermentation, and I can see how so many people have begun making their own saurkrauts and such. So I made more. Lots more. I have quarts of this stuff fermenting away in the bottom of a pantry.
HusbandX racked over his own fermenting project, the hard cider. By that I mean, he filtered it somewhat, and took a small taste at the same time. It's delicious! It needs a bit more time, and bottling, but those will happen soon and we know now that the finished product will be well worth the time and effort we put into it.
The bulk of the apples this time, however, went to make sweet cider. The press came into action again and once it was all done, the juice was boiled for ten minutes to kill any microbes and prevent wild fermentation. Some was stored in the fridge for drinking immediately (that one's gone) and the rest was stored in the chest freezer, in a washed-out milk jug. All in all, we got about a gallon and a half, and we still have one bag of apples left to press for cider. (Soon.)
Now that most of the work is done, we're feeling less overwhelmed and more grateful once again. We're enjoying the fruits (ha!) of our labors, and with the variety we've created there are lots of different ways in which to do so.
Enter another 50 lbs or so of apples, when we still hadn't quite finished processing the rest of the first batch. By that point, we were feeling a little bit overwhelmed by apples.
The best ones got picked out for eating fresh and we noshed on apples for days as we contemplated all the hard work involved in preserving them through various means.
This time was not wasted. I'd also gotten to pick as many tomatoes as I could from a friend's garden, and those would go bad first. So I spent several days over pots of tomatoes and the canner, ending up with 19 pints of diced tomatoes and 13 pints of tomato sauce.
Just some of the tomatoes I picked, in all their glorious variety.
Reducing for tomato sauce. By the time it was ready to can it was
down to only one pot.
Finished tomato sauce, sitting next to the jars of brandied cherries
in red wine, which I made at the same time to take advantage
of the already-hot canning pot.
Finally, we had to tackle the apples. We started with my mom teaching me how to make applesauce. I've made it a few times before but it always came out burnt and just...not so good. I ate it, but mostly because I didn't want to waste the food, so it usually got baked into something (like muffins) to mask the burnt taste.
My mother, on the other hand, is a master applesauce maker and I wanted to learn her secrets. Turns out, it's really not that hard. Chop the apples (and peel them, if desired, but save the peels for another use!) and put them in a big pot with just enough water to keep them from burning. Adding the water, a little bit at a time as needed, as the apples cooked down, was the true secret, I found out. Before I'd just added some water at the beginning and thought the juice from the apples would be enough after that. Nope. We added water, 1/4 cup at a time, until the apples were all cooked down and the applesauce was the proper texture, thick and with small bits of apple chunk still in it. If you want it more like purchased applesauce, put it through a food mill or into a food processor or blender, and add more water.
Other than that, we're applesauce purists. No added sugar, and just a bit of cinnamon. We came away with 8 quarts of applesauce, some of which was put in the fridge for eating and six quarts successfully canned. Three of those will be going to our friends with the new baby.
Cooking down the apples.
7 quarts of applesauce. One can didn't seal, so it's in the freezer.
I put a smaller canning ring in the jar to hold down the apple
scraps, beneath the water level. Otherwise the apple parts
sticking out just go moldy.
HusbandX racked over his own fermenting project, the hard cider. By that I mean, he filtered it somewhat, and took a small taste at the same time. It's delicious! It needs a bit more time, and bottling, but those will happen soon and we know now that the finished product will be well worth the time and effort we put into it.
The bulk of the apples this time, however, went to make sweet cider. The press came into action again and once it was all done, the juice was boiled for ten minutes to kill any microbes and prevent wild fermentation. Some was stored in the fridge for drinking immediately (that one's gone) and the rest was stored in the chest freezer, in a washed-out milk jug. All in all, we got about a gallon and a half, and we still have one bag of apples left to press for cider. (Soon.)
Now that most of the work is done, we're feeling less overwhelmed and more grateful once again. We're enjoying the fruits (ha!) of our labors, and with the variety we've created there are lots of different ways in which to do so.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
I thought I would love this
When I was in my late teens and into my early 20s, I worked as a nanny/babysitter for four families. All of the mothers I worked with/for were stay at home moms and just needed me for, basically, sanity time. I was going to say what they did while I watched their kids for a few hours each week but you know what? I don't need to justify why stay at home moms needed a little help. If they needed it, they needed it. End of story.
The kids were awesome, easy to love, and I'm so proud of the teenagers they've grown into. Two of them are now seniors in high school and, Gawd, that makes me feel old.
I learned so much about being a parent from my time nannying, like setting appropriate boundaries but also learning when it was all right to bend the rules; when to be the disciplinarian and when the kids needed empathy instead of punishment. Really, that work has carried with me. I learned the qualities that a good leader should possess, because what is parenting but leading? Businesses have outcomes they want to achieve, but so do parents. Different parenting styles mainly have to do with what outcomes the parents want to produce, and therefore judgment values on what is "right" or "wrong" are incredibly silly. None of the sets of parents did things just as the others did, so I needed to be flexible to adapt to each one, as well as to the needs of each child. And you know what? All of the kids turned out fabulous, because it's not the differing parenting styles which mattered so much as creating a loving and stable atmosphere for them to grow up in.
Seeing these moms, though, I really wanted to be like them someday. Part of this desire, I suppose, was because I didn't know what I wanted to do or be when I grew up. Even now, I don't really consider myself as having a "career" in the traditional sense so much as I have a job category I fell into because it sounded more interesting than most and then it was a steady way to earn money.* Some kids know right away what they want to do, but I'm over 30 and still couldn't tell you what my ambition is for a career. Clearly, I love kids and was always told, "Oh, it will be different when you have your own. The love you feel for them is just so much...more." So, I thought, being a stay at home mom would be wonderful.
The plan, when we moved down here, was that HusbandX would get a job and I could be the stay home parent for a bit. While he was a student, HusbandX was the main parent (with help from our fantastic babysitter and some of our friends) and I felt like I'd put in my time as the breadwinner. I've been the one with the stable job for years, it's my turn to stay home and make house and play with the baby! Working sucks!
Then we moved down here, and within two weeks I was practically climbing the walls with boredom and frustration. Going to the park in the mornings, going for walks in the afternoons or running errands, and holy balls, kid, are you screaming at me AGAIN? Use your words! No? What do you mean no? You haven't even tried talking to me, you just went straight to screaming! I don't know what you want when you scream at me. Fine, if you're not going to stop you're getting a time out until you can CALM DOWN AND STOP YELLING AT ME.
Yes, I totally have been that parent who's yelling at their kid to stop yelling. For some reason, I can only take about five hours of being consistently whined and yelled at before I lose my temper. Then, I need to be on my own for an hour or so.
Mind you, I've always known that parenthood is tough. And I have a very active, curious, bright little bundle of supersonic energy. We didn't expect her to be easy, because neither we nor any of our siblings were easy kids. The Munchkin wasn't even easy in the womb, constantly rolling and kicking. I knew she was stubborn when she stuck her butt under my ribs for two days and wouldn't move even when I tried to push her into a different spot. I stopped doing the recommended kick counts because the longest it ever took was 10 minutes, and I'd done it during one of her infrequent slow times. Usually it felt like she was practicing jiu-jitsu in my abdomen.
When the Munchkin was just a few months old I did an internet search for what qualifies as a high needs baby and came across this list. She fit every single one of those criteria, which helped me to feel less like a complete failure on days when she would demand everything we had and then a little bit more.
Even so, I thought that I would enjoy staying home with her. Maybe I was just stressed out because working and being a parent and taking care of a household is a lot. When I don't have to do as much, surely life will be a little bit easier. I clung to that thought, and tried to ignore remembering the infant days when I'd thought, "Thank God, it's Monday and I get to go to work! I can finally have a break!"
Now, I don't even get naps because she's starting to give those up. Instead, she climbs the furniture. I mean that literally. There's a dresser in her room that's about shoulder height for me and she climbs up on it when she should be napping. Even now, I can hear drawers being pulled out so that she can climb up on the desk.
And she's awesome! I love who she is, because she's such a great kid. I tell her pretty much every day that out of all the many, many babies in the world, she's my favorite. But this doesn't make being around her less draining. She's getting easier as she gets older and as she becomes more independent, but she's still not an easy kid to take care of. She is, as HusbandX and I frequently remind each other, definitely our child.
When I started browsing job postings within a couple of weeks after moving, I realized that being a stay at home parent perhaps wasn't my calling. Maybe other stay at home moms have easier kids, or more patience for a lack of stimulating conversation and time alone, or maybe tons of them are just leading lives of quiet desperation but don't want to say so because then they'd seem like terrible parents. I don't know. What I do know is, I want to go back to work.
One of the popular ideas right now is that of balance, particularly when it comes to work and life. I don't know what the right balance is for us yet. Perhaps if I found only a part-time job I'd get to have the fun time with the Munchkin (and despite my complaining, there are a lot of fun times) while still working and having my own life. Maybe I'll think differently when we have our own place to live, and maybe when we need to shop around for childcare I'll discover that being home with her is less stressful than shelling out tons of money each month for someone else to do so. But for right now, the job search is on.
*OK, the last job I had I really did love. My coworkers were great, the job itself was interesting, and I would have happily stayed there for a long, long time. Now I just need to find the same thing down here.
The kids were awesome, easy to love, and I'm so proud of the teenagers they've grown into. Two of them are now seniors in high school and, Gawd, that makes me feel old.
I learned so much about being a parent from my time nannying, like setting appropriate boundaries but also learning when it was all right to bend the rules; when to be the disciplinarian and when the kids needed empathy instead of punishment. Really, that work has carried with me. I learned the qualities that a good leader should possess, because what is parenting but leading? Businesses have outcomes they want to achieve, but so do parents. Different parenting styles mainly have to do with what outcomes the parents want to produce, and therefore judgment values on what is "right" or "wrong" are incredibly silly. None of the sets of parents did things just as the others did, so I needed to be flexible to adapt to each one, as well as to the needs of each child. And you know what? All of the kids turned out fabulous, because it's not the differing parenting styles which mattered so much as creating a loving and stable atmosphere for them to grow up in.
Seeing these moms, though, I really wanted to be like them someday. Part of this desire, I suppose, was because I didn't know what I wanted to do or be when I grew up. Even now, I don't really consider myself as having a "career" in the traditional sense so much as I have a job category I fell into because it sounded more interesting than most and then it was a steady way to earn money.* Some kids know right away what they want to do, but I'm over 30 and still couldn't tell you what my ambition is for a career. Clearly, I love kids and was always told, "Oh, it will be different when you have your own. The love you feel for them is just so much...more." So, I thought, being a stay at home mom would be wonderful.
The plan, when we moved down here, was that HusbandX would get a job and I could be the stay home parent for a bit. While he was a student, HusbandX was the main parent (with help from our fantastic babysitter and some of our friends) and I felt like I'd put in my time as the breadwinner. I've been the one with the stable job for years, it's my turn to stay home and make house and play with the baby! Working sucks!
Then we moved down here, and within two weeks I was practically climbing the walls with boredom and frustration. Going to the park in the mornings, going for walks in the afternoons or running errands, and holy balls, kid, are you screaming at me AGAIN? Use your words! No? What do you mean no? You haven't even tried talking to me, you just went straight to screaming! I don't know what you want when you scream at me. Fine, if you're not going to stop you're getting a time out until you can CALM DOWN AND STOP YELLING AT ME.
Yes, I totally have been that parent who's yelling at their kid to stop yelling. For some reason, I can only take about five hours of being consistently whined and yelled at before I lose my temper. Then, I need to be on my own for an hour or so.
My little hell-raiser, stopping to sniff the flowers. Getting
out of the house is keeping me from going crazy.
Mind you, I've always known that parenthood is tough. And I have a very active, curious, bright little bundle of supersonic energy. We didn't expect her to be easy, because neither we nor any of our siblings were easy kids. The Munchkin wasn't even easy in the womb, constantly rolling and kicking. I knew she was stubborn when she stuck her butt under my ribs for two days and wouldn't move even when I tried to push her into a different spot. I stopped doing the recommended kick counts because the longest it ever took was 10 minutes, and I'd done it during one of her infrequent slow times. Usually it felt like she was practicing jiu-jitsu in my abdomen.
When the Munchkin was just a few months old I did an internet search for what qualifies as a high needs baby and came across this list. She fit every single one of those criteria, which helped me to feel less like a complete failure on days when she would demand everything we had and then a little bit more.
Even so, I thought that I would enjoy staying home with her. Maybe I was just stressed out because working and being a parent and taking care of a household is a lot. When I don't have to do as much, surely life will be a little bit easier. I clung to that thought, and tried to ignore remembering the infant days when I'd thought, "Thank God, it's Monday and I get to go to work! I can finally have a break!"
Now, I don't even get naps because she's starting to give those up. Instead, she climbs the furniture. I mean that literally. There's a dresser in her room that's about shoulder height for me and she climbs up on it when she should be napping. Even now, I can hear drawers being pulled out so that she can climb up on the desk.
And she's awesome! I love who she is, because she's such a great kid. I tell her pretty much every day that out of all the many, many babies in the world, she's my favorite. But this doesn't make being around her less draining. She's getting easier as she gets older and as she becomes more independent, but she's still not an easy kid to take care of. She is, as HusbandX and I frequently remind each other, definitely our child.
When I started browsing job postings within a couple of weeks after moving, I realized that being a stay at home parent perhaps wasn't my calling. Maybe other stay at home moms have easier kids, or more patience for a lack of stimulating conversation and time alone, or maybe tons of them are just leading lives of quiet desperation but don't want to say so because then they'd seem like terrible parents. I don't know. What I do know is, I want to go back to work.
One of the popular ideas right now is that of balance, particularly when it comes to work and life. I don't know what the right balance is for us yet. Perhaps if I found only a part-time job I'd get to have the fun time with the Munchkin (and despite my complaining, there are a lot of fun times) while still working and having my own life. Maybe I'll think differently when we have our own place to live, and maybe when we need to shop around for childcare I'll discover that being home with her is less stressful than shelling out tons of money each month for someone else to do so. But for right now, the job search is on.
*OK, the last job I had I really did love. My coworkers were great, the job itself was interesting, and I would have happily stayed there for a long, long time. Now I just need to find the same thing down here.
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